In theory, I know buying those pirated DVDs being sold on the street is wrong. I don't do it myself. Half the time it's a scam and when its not, the quality is so terrible you're left confused or giggling at multiple points in the movie where suddenly the color scheme changes and the audio switches into French. But I will admit, the increasing availability of these illegal DVDs is starting to revolutionize my long distance bus riding experience! Cheap versions of the newest releases can now be enjoyed when traveling from city to city, as long as you don't mind some terrible dubbing or the occasional silhouette as the man in front of the the guy recording the video in back of the theater gets up to buy popcorn. In my opinion, its a small price to pay if it means I wont be suffering through Fast and the Furious, and the dozens of cloned sequels that'll spawn from it, for the rest of my life.
Until recently, movie options were limited. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you either have a car or never travel. Just try and tell me you haven't had to sit through each of the following movies at least twice:
- Fast and the Furious
- Enemy of the State
- White Chicks
- Little Man
Am I right or am I right? Riding a South American bus can really suck. Between this, gross "no solids" bathrooms lacking toilet paper, constant beeping as the gas-pedal-happy driver repeatedly exceeds 100 km, and (as my boyfriend dubbed it) "the human experiment" they do on you all night while vacillating extreme cold and heat from those darn heaters, bus riding can be such a dreaded experience. Where are all those busses I hear about where you get to play organized bingo?
Basically, if your job is to pick out a movie for a South American bus ride, I've deducted this simple recipe:
- Genre: Action, especially races against time, or the occasional outlier comedy involving black midgets and/or cross dressers.
- Actors: Your options are pretty much limited to Vin Diesel, Russel Crowe, Jason Stathem, Will Smith, or Jodie Foster.
- Plot: (if applicable) Your movie needs to involve bad guys, and your plot revolves around nothing more than escaping our outthinking them. Car racing, gory fights, outdated gadgets and crushing things are essential.
- Language, sound, music, etc... irrelevant. Its unlikely the bus sound system will work well enough for anybody to really follow the dialogue anyway.
- If all else fails, pick up yet another version of Classic Projects